By: Dr Sheila Newton-Moses
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences and penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Maya Angelo.
It is hard for anyone to imagine feeling isolated at Valentine. Feeling totally ignored at Valentine sucks. Everything seems unreal. It feels relatively hard and right about now, you are feeling a sense of loss. Deep in the pits of your stomach, you are feeling a sense of uncertainty and ambiguity. When dealing with affairs of the heart, it is very difficult to focus and concentrate. Your every day is filled with fear and anxiety. Your friends and family will advise you to, “Just get over him or her,” but it is difficult to do, especially when you are watching other lovers preparing for and looking forward to celebrating, “Valentine’s Day”. Being ignored, according to research, can be very painful and impactful- just as hurtful and uncomfortable as physical pain, and can result in anxiety. This causes a stress response and a feeling of total abandonment. The lack of responses to text messages and phone calls, allows you to question yourself and the relationship, especially around Valentine’s Day.
How Do I Know They are Playing Games?
You definitely know when they are playing games. Like Houdini said, “Now you see me, now you don’t.” Playing games are not good for any form of relationship. It is a direct form of manipulation, willfully calculated by the player. They are testing your response. Somehow, putting you in a panic state, they believe, will allow them to gain more control over you, and they will be able to get you to be more cooperative and respective. Therefore, they maintain control over you. This person exhibiting real skills in manipulating you is a sign of a toxic person who is mentally unhealthy. When you meet these persons, RUN!
How Do I Respond to this Form of Manipulation?
You respond by calling them out on this type of manipulation. Let them know they are intentionally ignoring you and willfully hurting your feelings. Keep in mind, when someone deliberately ignores you and continues to do so, over a period time, it causes you real, deep pain, which, they are aware of. This is not a healthy way to handle any misunderstanding in a relationship. It is revengeful and a lack of real maturity to deal with the affairs of the heart. A healthy lover seeks ways of communication to get their intentions across and will never truly seek to cause you to suffer. If someone continues to be punitive in nature and causes you pain by ignoring you, especially around Valentine season, you should realize, that person perhaps is not ready for a well-rounded, healthy relationship with you. Perhaps, you should then consider the type of partner you want. Good relationships and happy couples communicate well. Great relationships are built on the best possible communication.
How Do I Really Know if He Needs Space or Just Really Pulling Away from Me?
How do I know if he really is trying to pull away from me around Valentine season? You will! Listen to your gut feeling- trust your intuition. If you know him or her and have been in a relationship for over three months, then you will know. Your guts will tell you and their actions will confirm it. What do I do? The age long question. You are emotionally drained, frustrated that they have all of a sudden become a stranger in the night. Be calm and observant. If you therefore confirm, what you are experiencing is real, and that they are really breaking free of you, LET THEM GO! Do what they are not brave enough to do. Resist the urge to call or text them. He or she wants you to fade away and leave them to move on. As much as it is hard to do, never chase a person who is trying to run from you. They are immature, cruel, and not responsive, and not yet ready for a long, lasting, meaningful relationship. Let them go as quietly as possible and concentrate on loving you. Self-love is the best love. Now, if you have a relationship and you both are uncertain about issues, and both feeling a bit dismay, try to reach out and see how best you both can communicate to have a beautiful Valentine’s Day. If they are receptive, then, you can build on best dialogue to a beautiful day.
“Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” Dr. Seuss.
Keep in mind, when someone you love ignores you, they are sending you a message. Read it well. Your value never decreases simply because someone lacks the foresight of your worth. Your value is constant because you are YOU, and no one else can be that. How someone else views you or treats you does not define you- in fact, it defines them. It is often said, “the true value of a person cannot be seen with the naked eye, but it is felt with the soul.” Often times, when you feel rejected, it does not assert your true value. It does not even mean you are not good enough, it just really means that the other person, cannot or fails to even see your value.
In closing, always surround yourself with those who can see your true value and who are going to take you to higher heights. Establish a love affair with yourself. Develop self-esteem, seek to know your dreams, desires, like and dislikes. Always remember, when you become crystal clear about who you are, and what you deserve, you will be better able to decide what is best for you. So, they decide to leave you around Valentine. Well, happy riddance! You know what they say, “Charmer is a flower, Not!” Keep smiling. “Walk your fine self out the door, baby! How are you feeling? Feeling good as hell!!!!,” a little Lizzo goes a long, long way. Happy Valentine to you from me! Stay Sweet!
“Value is not determined by those who set the price. Value is determined by those who choose to pay it.” Simon Sinek
Dr. Sheila Newton Moses- Founder of Caribbean Council for Economic Development (CCFED); President of Invest Caribbean Now (ICN); Graduate of Columbia University, Saint Peter’s University and Seton Hall University.
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